help i accidentally created a cleric with a -1 to religion checks how the fuck did i even do that
“hey i just realized, we’ve been on this trip for weeks and i’ve never really seen you praying”
“eh, yeah, i mostly only do that sort of stuff at greengrass and midsummer”
“…. sharindlar literally gives you magical powers. you have a magical tattoo.”
“yeah she’s cool, she knows i’m busy”
religion checks are more about knowledge regarding deities than devotion
“don’t worry, guys, sharindlar will smite the shit outta anyone we need smote, that’s what she’s all about!”
“… isn’t she an avatar of mercy and life?”
“she’s an avatar of shut the hell up”
Character with skill sets that don’t match their class are my favorite thing
When I first started playing Pathfinder I thought “craft” meant like “watercraft” and I gave a ton of it to my Barbarian so I wouldn’t be useless running with the two pirates in our group.
Mid game my DM was like “No… Like… Arts and crafts.”
And I was like “Fuck it he knits, is there any yarn on the ship?”
DM: *Rolls dice* … *Looks up* This shipment is nothing but yarn.
Me: I’m going to knit a sweater.
DM: What’s your craft score again? *Looks at page*………………. Don’t even roll…
DM: So you all pull into port wearing sweaters beautifully knitted by our goddamned Barbarian.
Ragtag group of scoundrels & assassins: Yay!
i generally don’t reblog this post much because if i did that for every example someone reblogged this with i’d spam everyone’s feed, but i love this
This is Dany. He has anxiety, but he’s full of love.
This is Tally, a 10 yo 18 pound Maine Coon, who will let you use her tummy for a pillow when you’re sad, and will just purr & groom you until you feel better 💕
This is Jareth, a rescue who advises you to consider the benefits of a good long nap
This is Miss Noir. Her hobbies include being besties with the food bag, running away from things in fear, and stairstep lurking.
This is Miss Nicole. Her hobbies include being an immense asshole.
This is Uno. He thinks things are gonna be okay. I intend to believe him.
This is Kit. He likes chasing bugs, digging in his litter box, and being aggressively cuddly.
this is crookshanks she’s orange
this is Keyes he’s my lead strategist
this is toast, hes a cool dude
This is Rosie. She’s loud because she’s full of bees
This is Sweety he is very large
This is Khensu he belongs to my neighbors he’s half Maine coon I hang out with him when he gets lonely
This is little cat, she loves headbutts and standing on people
this is Elly she’s very soft and a butthole
this is jessie she loves attention
Meet jojee, the infamous crooked tailed rooster in cat’s clothing
This is Ollie he’s very small
This is Calicfer and Ponyo. They will both give you kisses until you are no longer sad and also wake you up at 3am every morning
This is Skipper and he demands attention in such a cute voice you have to obey him, even off he is incorrigible.
This is Apollo and Ares, their idea is to take long naps after play fighting for hours at a time.
Person A: You know… the thing Person B: The “thing”? Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD
As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed:
Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity.
Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idioms belong to which language. It usually takes a minute of everyone staring at him in confused silence before he says “….Ah….. that must be a Russian one then….”
Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English.
Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word “préservatifes.” Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms.
Defined a slang term for me……. with another slang term. In the same language. Which I do not speak.
Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said “I don’t know” and turned to me and asked “Is there an English equivalent for Нумизматический?” and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back.
Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned “How stressful!” into “What stressing!”
Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.”
